Today on Let’s Talk Monday we will be discussing relationships, infidelity and how they contribute to divorce. What causes infidelity and who is to take the blame for the “plague” we now call divorce. Is it him, is it her or neither? Actually it may be all of the above and possibly more.
I read my good friend from LA Miriam of 30Thoughts.com blog about who is to blame for divorce and while she had several valid points, I think she left out one very important factor. The post basically said men are to blame for their bad choices in who they wife up and while I agree to a point, I had to disagree with the general statement for one simple reason. It’s simply NOT that black and white. From reading her blog, you get the idea that it’s purely men’s fault or near about but look at what I had to say about it.“nice post. I am not sure nor will I even discuss who is to blame on divorce rates. What I can say is that there are some crafty liared (Bajan slang) people out there who can really deceive. I may ask all the questions you ask there and get favourable answers but that doesn’t mean she isn’t what I really want. While I do agree that some men do choose wives by looking at superficial things etc, I don’t think it’s as black and white as the post seems to make it.”
I’m sure we all know there are some really deceitful people out there and to assume you are the master of detecting treachery and can never be caught off guard is treachery against oneself. None of us can say we haven’t been or can’t be deceived. What causes infidelity and can we really stop it?
Infidelity in my opinion is caused by wanting something new. I don’t care if you say it’s because your man’s richard is no bigger than your thumb or if your girl pretends she is in a coma when having sex. You wanted something new and the truth is that the human appetite for discovery is in itself a curse as much as a blessing. Everyone gets bored at some point of time but the big difference is that those who don’t step out have mastered the art of reinvention coupled with the burning desire to be faithful to their partner.
We are sexual creatures and by we I don’t only mean men but women also and sexual needs are very high up there in any relationship. If there is one thing I agree fully with Miriam is that people choose poorly and men do tend to choose the housewife type of woman when they really want the BDSM, traffic stopping, swallowing freak from down the street and that can indeed affect infidelity and divorce statistics. I’m not saying men shouldn’t look for “the good wife” but believing you can make her into something she’s not can, and most likely will cause infidelity and possibly divorce later as his need for change will win. Ladies, you aren’t forgotten either. Your willingness to date “bad boys” because of the thrill when all you really want is someone strong enough to protect you and be there for you when you’re down is what puts you in abusive, controlling relationships and marriages and while this type of behaviour is not only typical of these bad boys, it’s prevalent.
The truth is that the battle of infidelity can only be won intrinsically. YOU must decide you won’t be unfaithful and treat your spouse or mate as good as you can hoping that they too will. If everyone did or at least tried to, I’m sure statistics would say different things about our failure to keep our marriages strong.
Today was quite a mouthful for Let’s Talk but I was doing some serious thinking (okay fine, I thought about it for about 1 minute before I began to write this topic) and realised that I have been cheating you guys. How can I name it Let’s Talk and only scratch the surface with the topics I choose? I prostrate myself before you and beg your forgiveness. From now on, Let’s Talk will have more substance. I thank all of you who read, comment and follow my blog. Your participation in whatever form is truly appreciated. For those who are new, I welcome you and ask you to engage me here or on twitter @andredaniel_bb. Until next time, be good.