Today on Let’s Talk Monday we will be discussing relationships, infidelity and how they contribute to divorce. What causes infidelity and who is to take the blame for the “plague” we now call divorce. Is it him, is it her or neither? Actually it may be all of the above and possibly more.
I read my good friend from LA Miriam of 30Thoughts.com blog about who is to blame for divorce and while she had several valid points, I think she left out one very important factor. The post basically said men are to blame for their bad choices in who they wife up and while I agree to a point, I had to disagree with the general statement for one simple reason. It’s simply NOT that black and white. From reading her blog, you get the idea that it’s purely men’s fault or near about but look at what I had to say about it.
“nice post. I am not sure nor will I even discuss who is to blame on divorce rates. What I can say is that there are some crafty liared (Bajan slang) people out there who can really deceive. I may ask all the questions you ask there and get favourable answers but that doesn’t mean she isn’t what I really want. While I do agree that some men do choose wives by looking at superficial things etc, I don’t think it’s as black and white as the post seems to make it.”I’m sure we all know there are some really deceitful people out there and to assume you are the master of detecting treachery and can never be caught off guard is treachery against oneself. None of us can say we haven’t been or can’t be deceived. What causes infidelity and can we really stop it?
Infidelity in my opinion is caused by wanting something new. I don’t care if you say it’s because your man’s richard is no bigger than your thumb or if your girl pretends she is in a coma when having sex. You wanted something new and the truth is that the human appetite for discovery is in itself a curse as much as a blessing. Everyone gets bored at some point of time but the big difference is that those who don’t step out have mastered the art of reinvention coupled with the burning desire to be faithful to their partner.
We are sexual creatures and by we I don’t only mean men but women also and sexual needs are very high up there in any relationship. If there is one thing I agree fully with Miriam is that people choose poorly and men do tend to choose the housewife type of woman when they really want the BDSM, traffic stopping, swallowing freak from down the street and that can indeed affect infidelity and divorce statistics. I’m not saying men shouldn’t look for “the good wife” but believing you can make her into something she’s not can, and most likely will cause infidelity and possibly divorce later as his need for change will win. Ladies, you aren’t forgotten either. Your willingness to date “bad boys” because of the thrill when all you really want is someone strong enough to protect you and be there for you when you’re down is what puts you in abusive, controlling relationships and marriages and while this type of behaviour is not only typical of these bad boys, it’s prevalent.
The truth is that the battle of infidelity can only be won intrinsically. YOU must decide you won’t be unfaithful and treat your spouse or mate as good as you can hoping that they too will. If everyone did or at least tried to, I’m sure statistics would say different things about our failure to keep our marriages strong.
Today was quite a mouthful for Let’s Talk but I was doing some serious thinking (okay fine, I thought about it for about 1 minute before I began to write this topic) and realised that I have been cheating you guys. How can I name it Let’s Talk and only scratch the surface with the topics I choose? I prostrate myself before you and beg your forgiveness. From now on, Let’s Talk will have more substance. I thank all of you who read, comment and follow my blog. Your participation in whatever form is truly appreciated. For those who are new, I welcome you and ask you to engage me here or on twitter @andredaniel_bb. Until next time, be good.
You’re right Russian. I always say that cheating/being faithful in a relationship is nothing to do with the kind of partner you have (whether good or bad), it’s to do with the kind of person you are. I encourage persons to be true to themselves, if it’s not working out be honest, develop a support system & leave, move on with your life and allow the other to move on with theirs. In a marriage, it takes 2 people dedicated to making it work, I wish every married couple was like this but that’s not always the case. Anyhow, be faithful…if your partner wants to go astray, that’s on him/her.
Agreed
To further elaborate on my point, I was watching “He’s Just Not That Into You” last night. Scarlett Johansen’s character fell for a married man even though she was “dating” this other guy who she obviously put in the friend zone at some point. Men and women know what they want! There are ALWAYS signs that the person you’re seeing is into you or not into you. I strongly believe that.
The friend zone guy was getting very little time and sex with Scarlett at a certain point, but rather than understanding that she was no longer interested in him romantically (if she ever was), he attempted to rationalize and analyze her behavior. He would have married her despite her blatant disinterest. We ALL do this and the bottom line is usually he or she is NOT interested, which I elaborate on in my article “Answers to Your Most Common Dating Questions.” Some women will be who they need to be to get married and then show their true colors later, but there were always signs that she isn’t who she appears to be, men just ignore them or don’t recognize it as disinterest.
In the relationship context, I can honestly say, I have never been deceived. Because of positive relationship experience I acquired early on, I was always able to identify the guy who’s really into me, in love with me, in like with me, the player, and so on. I can feel it when someone is just as affected by me as I am with them and when they’re not. You just know.
If what you say is true well that’s a good thing. I still don’t believe anyone is that good to have never been deceived but I wasn’t there so I can’t say either way. It’s good to be sharp in those decisions though
It’s called intuition
I’m glad you have decided to go more in depth with your Let’s Talk segments. The viewpoints which have been brought up are valid but some I can’t really relate to because I wasn’t the one who was really drawn to the “bad boy” type. Some of those types did seem to seek me out, but I honestly feel like it was because they perceived me as a challenge, since I wasn’t “out there” like some of the females they were used to. So the whole “wanting a bad boy” I can’t really relate to.
It does all boil down to choice. If a person is presented with temptation, then it’s up to that person to act accordingly. If your need to satisfy the temptation is greater than being faithful in the relationship, then it speaks volumes on how much the relationship means to you.
yes but I would say “if your desire to satisfy temptation…”
I agree, it comes down to the person!
If someone cheats it’s becuse their needs, whatever they may be, aren’t getting met. But how you react and deal with that is up to the person.
Pingback: MARITAL INFIDELITY - ElevatedBlog
Very good article. I think when most people start creating thoughts to cheat, it normally comes from no longer be fulfilled in the relationship. Im not talking about serial cheaters but actually those that try to maintain a monogamous relationship.
At this point instead of cheating, one must determine should they stay or go its as simple as that.